Our experts - that rag-tag bunch of awkward eccentrics that we’ve assembled for this site - are delirious.

First they accurately predicted that Obama would become president, and last month they predicted the Steelers would win the Superbowl.  This success has given them amazing confidence in this month’s set of predictions.

- The Oscar goes to…

Best Supporting Actor - Heath Ledger

Best Supporting Actress - Penelope Cruz

Best Actor - Mickey Rourke

Best Actress - Kate Winslet

Best Picture - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Best Director - Danny Boyle

Best Animated Feature - Wall-E

Best Foreign Film - Waltz With Bashir

Best Original Screenplay - Happy Go Lucky

Best Adapted Screenplay - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Best Documentary - Man on Wire

Best Original Score - Slumdog Millionaire

Best Original Song - ‘Down to Earth’ - Wall-E

Best Cinematography - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

And - if you need that tie-breaking category for your Oscar pool - Best Live Action Short Film - New Boy.

Our experts have also predicted the following about the Oscar ceremony…

- Hugh Jackman will have 12 costume changes, but they will all be black tuxedos.

- Heath Ledger will be the first actor ever to accept his Oscar posthumously.  Thanks to the wizardry of film editing, his acceptance speech will be pieced together through clips from Brokeback Mountain, The Dark Knight and A Knight’s Tale.  It will not be tacky at all.

- Heath Ledger will receive the most applause during the segment where they show everyone who has died in the last year, which is why they will save him for last.  This makes it less awkward than if they had put him in the middle where he would be followed by some guy who invented the lens cap in 1938 who only gets the golf clap.

- Sean Penn will flip out when he doesn’t win and will challenge Hugh Jackman to a fistfight.  Hugh Jackman will totally shred him with his Wolverine claws.

- As usual, there will be inexplicable pairings of celebrities to announce categories and read lame introductions.  This year’s odd pairings will be:  Will Ferrell and Penelope Cruz, Po (the Kung Fu Panda) and Wall-E (talk about awkward!) and, even more awkward, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston.

- Best dressed on the red carpet will be Will Smith and Scarlett Johannson.  Worst dressed on the red carpet will be Owen Wilson and Glenn Close.  Most annoying on the red carpet will be anyone with the last name “Rivers”. Seriously, that is one blood line we need to just make go away.

- While presenting the nominees for Best Sound Editing, Joaquin Phoenix will go rogue and start jumping up and down, rapping, and waving his arms in the air like he just don’t care, all while Casey Affleck rushes the stage to capture everything with his camcorder.  It will be one of the many highlights in the duo’s upcoming film, “Joaquin Is Fucking Crazy”.

It should be a heck of a show!

Filed under: The Experts