So you want to start a weblog?

Believe me, it can be a pretty confusing thing to get into.  With all the available programs and features to choose between, all the damn acronyms messing up the place with their vowellessness and all of the existing social etiquette, the whole thing can be a little overwhelming for a first time user, or “blogger”. That’s why I’ve put together this essay: to clear up some common confusions and to try and explain, from the very start, what this whole blogging thing is about.

What’s in a name?

The first misconception many people have is about the very name of the thing itself.  The term “weblog” is commonly thought of as a compound word combining the two words “web” and “log”, literally meaning a log that appears on the “web”, or “Internet”.  This is only partially true; the word is a compound word, but the original division occurs elsewhere.

In 1872, Lewis Carrol published the poem Jabberwocky in his book Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There.  The poem was largely made up of fictitious beasts and nonsensical words and, in the original long version of the poem, the “Blog” was a large feathered beast with a puffed up chest that breathed fire whenever it was irritated.  With the success of the poem, the verb “to blog” became, in the late nineteenth century, synonymous with activities relating to venting one’s angers or frustrations.  Early “bloggers” took up the torch (ha ha, no pun intended) one hundred years later and proudly proclaimed to all who would read or listen, “We Blog!”

With the proliferation of the Internet in the late 20th century, and it’s being widely known as “the web”, it is completely understandable that so many people today remain ignorant of the term’s history.  As with everything on this planet though, the English language will continue to change over time, and that remains one of its most charming features.

So, with that spirit in mind, you still want to start a weblog of your own.  You, my friend, face a multitude of choices.  Let’s take a look at two of the more popular ones, shall we?

Blogger

Founded by Buddhist monks, Blogger is an online tool that takes a simplified view of weblogs and how they are created.  Publishing is easy with the online interface and the default aesthetics of the sites created are harmonious with the colours found every day in the natural world: sky blue, forest green, and centre of the sun orange.  The harmony with nature doesn’t stop there, however; recognizing that the natural world changes continuously around us, nothing is ever permanent in the Blogger cosmos, everything is always in a state of flux.  You might return someday to a place you thought you knew and find something completely different.  The Buddhist ideology that is so inherent in the system not only provides a beautiful world in which to create, but also a humbling one.

Word Press

On the other end of the spectrum is Word Press, a personal publishing system created entirely by robots who have built this wildly popular application for weblogging, the first ever project of its size developed completely by artificial intelligence.  The robots created an enormously flexible product that can only ever be completely, 100% understood by their artificial intelligence equals; however, that doesn’t stop mere humans from trying.  There are many out there that have studied the work of the robots and who have been able to mold Word Press into contemporary works of weblog art.  Do not be scared off by this system because, with a little work, you can be one of these artists.

Both systems will let you create your basic weblog easily enough, all you have to do is fill in the various empty fields and Voila!, your weblog is built for you; however, if you want to dig deeper and get into the real nitty gritty of weblogging, you may want to have a look at hosting a Word Press weblog on your website, and that means there are some terms you should become familiar with.

Important Terms and Acronyms (ITAs)

In order for any group of people to properly validate their existence as a group they must create their own jargon, language designed to increase the understanding of communications from within the group and to decrease the understanding of communications from without.  Never is this more true than in the world of computers and the Internet.  The following is a list of ITAs that you are likely to come across in the early stages of your weblogging career.

HTML – “Hard To Make Language”

This is the language used to create basic web pages and, for the uninitiated, it can be pretty intimidating. You know you are reading HTML if there is a noticeable lack of rounded brackets and far too many slashes than are regular used in everyday English / Romanic language of your choice.

Do not be daunted, with only a little study you’ll soon be able to read HTML easily enough to insert links to other websites and to italicize your writing yourself.  When you have reached this stage the “hard” part is behind you and most people start referring to the language as “ETML”, so feel free to do so in your conversations with your computer-literate friends.

CSS – “Cool Style Section”

Now, there are two ways to design your weblog.  The first has you programming your ETML every time you want a design changed; that means, every time you want blue text you have to punch in the ETML code for blue text.  The second way is to set up a Cool Style Section in your ETML file.  Using CSS, every time you want blue text you just have to tell the text to look at the Cool Style Section for directions.  This is good for changing things like colours and fonts throughout your whole site because, instead of going through and changing every instance in your ETML code, you just have to change the code once in your Cool Style Section.  Definitely a must-learn component of weblogging if you ever want to advance past the “novice” stage.

PHP – “Pretty Hard Programming”

You’ll see this acronym, pronounced “Fip”, bandied about the Internet in relation to website organization, structure and programming.  It is a very complex and difficult system, as its name suggests, but can be overcome and whipped into submission upon intense further study.  In the early stages of your weblogging career, feel free to ignore anything containing “PHP”.  Once you get ETML and CSS under your belt, then maybe give PHP a shot.

Blogosphere

This is the term used to describe the world of interconnected weblogs, the world both within and yet outside our own flesh and mortar existence.  The actual spherical shape of this world is highly debatable, much like the early speculations by the mathematically challenged that the Earth was flat and that, if you sailed far enough, you’d go right over the edge.  Where does the water go, people?  Where does the water go?

Now, one might even suggest the world of weblogs is more like a sputnik than a sphere; mostly round, but quite pointed in some places; however, “Blogosputnik” not only sounds like someone throwing up, it also does that which makes many webloggers shudder: it creates even more jargon that uses “Blog” as a root word.  More on that in the etiquette section ahead.

RSS

The term “RSS”, or “Regular Subscription Service”, describes the aggregation of weblog posts from all over the Internet into one easy-to-read format, allowing you to keep up with all your favourite weblogs without having to go to the hassle of visiting each site specifically.  To get a better understanding of RSS, think of that old poem where the dude is walking down the beach and there are two sets of footprints behind him showing him where he and God had been walking side by side all his life, only suddenly there’s only one set of footprints and he thinks God had left him at that time but God tells him that that’s actually where he started carrying him.  That pretty much sums up RSS, only, if no one is subscribing to your feed, no one is carrying you.  You are, indeed, very alone.

Ping

A “ping” is the electronic equivalent of the man in the bleachers at a baseball game with his shirt off and holding a sign for the cameras that says “Look Ma, I’m on TV!”  You send pings to other sites to let them know that you have just updated your weblog.  Sending pings to other sites when you haven’t updated your weblog can result in annoyance when people show up and find that, three days later, they are still reading about your cheese sandwich adventure when, wouldn’t you know it, the bread fell on the floor butter side down.

Which brings us to the last portion of this installment of this guide: etiquette.

Things it is okay for you to do on your weblog:

- Link to other people without asking them first.  Not only is this allowed but it is generally encouraged in the weblogging world, or “blogosphere”.

- Spout off your opinions.  Remember the history behind what you are doing and get those things that are frustrating you off your chest.  It’s your space on the Internet and don’t let anyone tell you your opinions don’t matter.

- Link to this post so that even more people on the verge of weblogging will be convinced to try it out and I will soon emerge as their King and, as King, I will finally be able to “decree” things without people snickering behind my back.

- Respond to people who leave comments on your site in the comments.  Try to go for, at most, a 1:1 ratio in this area.  If there are more comments by you than everyone else combined, it’s probably a good idea to just write a new post. Also try to avoid responding to your own post in the comments as it comes across as slightly eerie and schizo.

Things it is not okay for you to do on your weblog:

- Do not add to the jargon any words that derive from the word “Blog”.  Remember, the word is over 130 years old and only so much can be done to it in such a short time and remain acceptable.  If you Blog too much, you are “addicted to blogging”, you are not “a Blogaholic”.  If you like to take a look back at your own site stats, milestones and achievements, you may not call it a Blogtrospective.  Along this same line of reasoning, if you are going the anonymous route on your site, do not choose a name that relates to the word either.  People will laugh at you, Count Blogula, and it won’t be the good kind of laughing.

- As mentioned earlier, ping only if you have something new to ping about.  Nobody likes a stale ping.

- Do not not link to this post.  I promise to remember all my gracious linkers in any future decrees, many of which will involve free hamburgers.

- Do not take any guff in your comments.  People trying to give you guff are simply trying to unload all the guff they’ve received from others their entire lives. Ban them from your site, change the wording in their comments to embarrass them or tear them apart limb from limb with the extra wit the Lord bestowed upon you at birth that ended up making the Smith baby in the next crib kind of dumb later in life.  It is your site.

Do not accept guff.

There is a heck of a lot more to say, I’m sure, but I can only write so much in one sitting.  Man, when I’m King I’m going to decree that all laptop computers ship with free wrist massagers that operate while you type.

I hope you have found this guide helpful and, if you have any questions or comments, I’d be happy to entertain them below.

Just remember the golden rule: NGA.

No Guff Allowed.

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Filed under: Site Stuff, Writing

A funny thing happens when you close a domain name that was fairly popular: it gets swooped up by somebody ready to capitalize on your page rank and turned into this placeholding, ad-based, mockery of a website.

Such is the case with my old blog, See The Donkey, which I visited the other day just to see if anything is being done with the domain. I won’t link to it here, as I don’t want to appear in any referring logs, but following this link will get you one step closer.

Just before I shut that site down I was getting months where I was getting over 26 000 visits. I wish I could say it had anything at all to do with my sparkling wit and dazzling prose, but alas, no. As evidenced by the current contant at the domain, those hits were purely the result of the TV Theme Song archive I hosted, separate from my blog.

I bring this up only because I think it really funny that a domain name I came up with, that had no other real meaning other than the one I ascribed, now is an advertisement site for a search portal, specializing in TV Theme Songs.

Their slogan is “What you need, when you need it.”

Funny. I don’t see the donkey in that at all.

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Filed under: Site Stuff

A new year, a new website and a celebration of the possibilities and opportunities that lie ahead.

I think this is going to be one of the good years.

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Filed under: Site Stuff