Happy New Year everyone from all of us here at The Next Chapter, and that includes our experts who, after their amazingly accurate predictions for last November, have been on vacation for the last little while.

But they are back, and as enthusiastic as ever about their predictions for the New Year.  These are some of the predictions they have shared so far.

- The Pittsburgh Steelers will win the Superbowl over the Atlanta Falcons, after crushing Miami and narrowly beating Tennessee in the post-season.  Our experts would like to add that, by September, because they had been so crushed and morally defeated by Pittsburgh, the Miami Dolphins will have given up their right to play in the NFL and will have sold the team to West Palm Beach where they will be renamed the Palm Beach Porpoises.  Team jerseys are not a popular sell with the kids.

- The Academy Award for Best Picture goes to… The Love Guru?  It is later reported that not a single member of the Academy had ever seen an Austin Powers movie and had lauded The Love Guru as “fresh” and “original”.

- Barack Obama 12-Month calendars will outsell Fireman calendars in December.

- People will buy eleven times the number of electric cars in 2009 than they did in 2008 for inner city use.  Many cities will add “rev lanes” to their roads so that drivers can push their car backwards several hundred metres before quickly jumping in as the car shoots forward.

- Green will continue to be the new black as everything from grocery bags to Tim Hortons cups to candy bar wrappers will be affected by the new national “landfill tax”, which will help support important green initiatives like the creation of government pamphlets discussing the need for green initiatives.

- A major disaster will occur somewhere in the world between June 3rd and November 17th and the news media will report on it.  There will be some survivors and some non-survivors.  A blog will link to a news story about it with a comment about how “tragic” this event was.

- Pictures of breastfeeding will be banned from all sites on the mainstream Internet due to “indecency”.  This includes sites that properly educate and instruct new mothers on how to breastfeed.  Those educational sites will now only be available on .xxx domains.

- Gay pet marriage will make the news in the U.S. this year, and it will be banned in all States except, for some reason, Missouri.  Canada will continue to allow gay pets to be married and those pets will continue to enjoy all the same benefits as heterosexual pet marriages.

- The biggest movie of the year will be Piranha 3-D, set for release on July 24th.  Our experts stand by this prediction more than any other.

- George W. Bush will be disappointed when no library or monument is named after him once his presidency is over.  He will get some small satisfaction, however, when all Burger King locations in Texas briefly feature the Bushburger with Fries Combo on their menu.  The combo features a small, regular Hamburger, with pickles, mayo and relish, but it’s really the side order of fries that is the main feature as they come in the largest size ever sold by the franchise and overshadow the burger completely on the tray.  The combo will later be renamed the “Fries Combo with Bushburger”, and that is how it will be remembered by future generations of Burger King patrons.

- For at least the month of January, and perhaps part of February, everyone will be feeling the effects of the leap second and will feel slightly out of synch with the world.  Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.

That’s it - we hope everyone had an excellent New Year’s Eve and that you’re as excited for 2009 as we are!

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