It’s 4:30 a.m. and I’m in this kind of dazed half-awake, half-zombie state of being, the kind where your hand is hanging off the end of the bed and you know you should move it because of the monsters under the bed but it’s really, really heavy and so, instead of going to all the effort of moving it you start planning out the life you will have with only one hand.

For lack of a better term I’ll call it creative consciousness, because you’re not fully conscious but man can your brain come up with some weird shit.

This morning I have two thoughts concurrently and I investigate both at the same time, drowning myself in confusion and eventually lulling myself back to sleep.

- Is there really life on other planets and, if so, do they get the Internet?

- Why, out of all the characters on the show, was Mr. Roper the only one allowed to break the fourth wall?

I don’t know what answers I came up with, it’s all still a little fuzzy, but I remember both these paths of questioning weaving in and around each other for some time, confusing the hell out of me. The human brain is a messed up thing sometimes.

*****

It may have been during one of these bouts of creative consciousness that I came up with this retarded brain theory of mine (it’s the theory that’s retarded, not a theory on retarded brains).

Sometimes when I am so completely baffled, so in awe of what the human mind is capable of, I picture brains as being the dominant species on the planet, just hopping around like packages of hamburger meat, and that human beings were just sitting around the campsticks doing nothing. The brains attacked the humans and attached themselves to their heads and a new life form was created.

Brains are scary, powerful things, dude. My 4:30 a.m. self would totally believe in this theory.

So think how much it freaked me out when I saw a similar notion years ago on an episode of Futurama; floating brains attacking humanity. Crazy shit.

*****

But it stands to reason that if aliens could receive television and radio signals they might be able to tap into our email and Internet, right? ALIENS COULD BE READING MY WEBLOG RIGHT NOW…

Ha… I accidentally hit the caps lock key there but it seems to fit so I’ll leave it…

Or did my brain hit the caps lock key on purpose without telling me…?

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