Missed
Childhood
Lights up. Four guys in a college dorm, laughing, casually drinking
beers. Lloyd is a little quieter than the others but is still fairly
outgoing-
he just… can’t seem to relate.
Klaus
(laughing)
That was such a good one… man, I used to get up so early every
Saturday and watch that with a bowl of Lucky Charms.
Jameel
(laughing)
My favourite part was at the end of each episode when you had to…
Klaus
…find the…
Both Together
…hidden message!
They collapse into laughter, Patch laughs along,
Lloyd makes as if he knows what’s going on.
Patch
That one was great, but you’re forgetting the other half, the
better half.
Klaus
He’s right, how could we forget about the Power Hour!
Jameel
Oh, what was that girl’s name?
Patch
Angelica.
Jameel
That’s right, Angelica. She was so hot.
The others look at him strangely.
You know, for a cartoon chick.
Klaus and Patch still stare at him like he’s a freak, they
try to keep a straight face but end up laughing.
Klaus
Jameel, we’re just messing with you, man.
Patch
I’d bang her.
Klaus
I’d bang her so hard she’d turn 3D.
This is too much and the three of them burst into laughter.
Lloyd
Which one was she again?
The others pause, look at him, and renew their laughter, letting
it subside as they realize Lloyd is being serious.
Patch
You’re being serious.
Lloyd
Yeah.
Jameel
You don’t remember Angelica? The "Angel Of The Alley"?
Patch
Her "Feline Fists Of Fury"?
Klaus
Right hand woman to the big man himself…
All together
(as if they’re announcing a professional wrestler)
DT Justice!!!
They wait for Llyod’s response. His face is blank.
Jameel
You never watched "Downtown Doomsday"?
Lloyd
No, I must have missed that one. I was wondering what you guys were
talking about.
Patch
Aw man, you missed out. Doomsday was the best cartoon.
Lloyd
It sounds like it…
(slight pause)
Hey, do you guys remember He-Man? Now there was a kick ass show.
Klaus
Who-Man?
Jameel
He-Man?
Lloyd
You guys never watched He-Man?! Aw, you missed out. What a cartoon.
"By the Power of Greyskull!" Klaus, you must have seen it…
Klaus shakes his head. The others are unimpressed.
Patch
What was it, like a Tarzan thing?
Jameel
No, that was Greystoke or something wasn’t it? What was this?
Grey skull?
Lloyd
It was He-Man, and he lived in the Castle Greyskull and he had this
sword…
Klaus
He-Man… sounds like it could be a Tarzan ripoff. "Her woman,
He man."
The others laugh at this joke and Lloyd is about to tell them more
when Jameel speaks up and Lloyd loses the floor.
Jameel
Best Tarzan rip off was easily Ape Dude. He rocked.
Patch
Nah, I liked Monkeyshines- he wasn’t as strong as Ape Dude but
he had that bag of tricks.
Jameel
No way, Patch, Ape Dude was way better, he’d kick Monkeyshines’
ass.
Patch
You’re on crack. One mystical banana and Ape Dude’d be flat
on his back.
Klaus
You guys are totally leaving out Yarzan, the most blatant, but most
nicely animated Tarzan ripoff cartoon.
Jameel
Oh yeah, he was pretty cool.
Patch
Yeah, good looking cartoon. And funny too.
Lloyd
What about George Of The Jungle?
Klaus
That’s a mouthful. What the fuck?
Patch
You watched TV shows with heroes named George?
Klaus
Was this anything like He-Man?
Lloyd
I can’t believe you guys.
Jameel
No, wait a minute, hang on guys. I think I remember this one.
Lloyd
Awesome, I was beginning to think…
Jameel
Yeah, didn’t it come on right after "Fake Cartoon Number
Five" and right before "I have to make these shows up because
I didn’t have cable"?
Lloyd
Ass.
Patch
All joking aside Lloyd, were you poor or something? You can tell us.
Klaus
Yeah, plenty of people don’t get cable.
Lloyd
(getting agitated)
We weren’t poor, and we had cable, and I bet anyone else in the
whole rez would remember He-Man except for you guys.
Klaus
Let’s test that. There’s Janine…
(calls outside the door)
Janine, come in here a minute.
Janine enters.
Janine
What’s up guys?
Patch
We need you to settle an argument.
Janine
Sure thing.
Lloyd
Wait, let me ask her. Janine, do you remember a cartoon called He-Man?
Janine
Hmmmm… He-Man… not off the top of my head… what was
it about?
Patch
I knew it, he was poor.
Lloyd
Wait! Janine, think hard. If you didn’t know He-Man you must have
known She-Ra, his twin sister? All the girls watched her.
(she gives him a shrug)
You don’t know the Princess of Power?
Janine
I’m sorry Lloyd… doesn’t ring a bell. The first girl
cartoon I think of is the Angel of the Alley. She rocked.
Jameel
Right on!
Patch
We were just talking about her before the pauper here started making
stuff up.
Lloyd stands up and moves to protest but the conversation carries on
before he gets any words out.
Janine
Angelica rocked.
Jameel
I thought she was hot.
Janine
(sits down in Lloyd’s seat)
I’d bang her.
Patch
Nice!
Janine
What about Mystical Pony Land- did you guys ever watch that?
Jameel
Are you kidding? That was girl’s stuff. I watched G.I. Jammer.
Lloyd
Jesus- I can’t take this anymore! You guys are so full of shit!
You don’t remember My Little Pony and, for fuck’s sake Jameel,
G.I. Joe rocked. G.I. Jammer- what the fuck? Did he go to war in his
pyjamas or something?
Jameel stands up, Klaus and Patch stop him from lunging at Lloyd.
Jameel
Pyjamas! He fought "against what’s wrong" for our country…
Klaus
He didn’t mean it Jameel…
Patch
He grew up poor, and you know the chips those guys carry…
Klaus
And remember what Jammer would say "Knowing begins the smart fight."
I think you’d better get out of here Lloyd- we’ll see you
in class.
Lloyd
Whatever, you guys are fucked up.
He leaves pissily, Jameel calms down, everyone sits. After a brief
silence Janine starts singing the theme song to Downtown Doomsday. The
others join in, Jameel’s spirits rising…
All
Who can you call when you’ve had enough?
DT, DT.
Who can you call when the streets are tough?
DT, DT.
The Angel Of The Alley
Will kill you where you lay,
With DT’s awesome power
They’re bringing on Doomsday…!!!
Deeeee Teeeeeee Jusssssstice!!!!!
Lights Down
The End
Click
here to listen to the DT Justice Theme Song!
Feel free to leave comments about this sketch here.
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